"Make up helps...have you tried it? please don't take your pix without it..innocent people are getting nightmares.." - piggy.

That was a comment on my previous post.

I am sorry I was born ugly.

But what can I do? I don't have all the time in the monkey's backside's world to beautify myself everytime I take out my camera. Besides, most of the photos in the previous entries are of places that does not even require us to dress up, so PRAY TELL..GO mamak also must put make up ar?

Sorry lah, but Jolene Lai is not as pretentious as most of the girls out there. I don't want to lie to you and say, "See, I have such HUGE eyes." For fuck's sake, my eyes no matter how I eyeline also they'll still be small! SO I LET THEM REMAIN SMALL TOO BAD.

I don't need to put on make up for every photo I take or photoshop my face just because it won't SCARE people. Sorry lah! Then later people dig out photos of the real me and put it on the net now? I suppose this is one of the reasons why I am not a madly famous blogger, because I am not pretty enough. Madly famous bloggers are beautiful(and a good number of them are not natural beauties) and you tell me lah, how many times have links of their "without makeup/before plastic surgery" photos been passed around?

SO next time ar people, if you want to link me, just put a picture of me as a link first so that people who read your blog will decide if they want to have nightmares or not before coming over here.

AND OF COURSE I HAVE USED MAKE UP BEFORE, YOU DUMB FUCK. Obviously your first time coming to my blog.

Sorry folks.. but comments about my looks has always depressed me. Yes, I may not be the most beautiful girl out there but I sure as hell don't want to hear it!

I can still remember the first time I found out that I was not beautiful.

When I was 12 years old, I went over to Serene's house to practice for our Karaoke competition which was held by the choir club. That time ICQ was very in so we turned it on to see who was online.

Alas, that cute Nicholas Chee who is a form2 boy was online. Serene introduced us before and I was chatting with him abit online prior to that. I thought he was kinda cute and once passed by his class and smiled at him.

Then Serene and Nicholas initiated a chat room and started chatting. I was just sitting merrily behind her watching her chat away.

Suddenly he said, "Eh that day ar...that Jolene Lai walk past my class and smiled at me you know,"

I was elated because he mentioned me.

"Then my friends started laughing and said they want to pengsan. She's SO ugly I want to vomit..!!"

Imagine the crack of my heart when I read that.

Serene quickly typed back, "Er.....she's sitting right behind me...she very angry now..."

Though I tried to remain expressionless.

Then the reply came, "Oh!! Sorry Jolene!! You very Pretty!! Maybe if you don't smile, you'll look fine."

I remember cycling home with tears running down my cheeks. I remember feeling so scared of Nicholas and his bunch of friends. I'd avoid walking within their radius. I felt ugly for so many months. It was from this experience that I have NEVER been one of the girls who appreciated the 'bad boy look'.

Oh, don't worry, there was another case. I had this so-called-online-boyfriend named Benjamin Loh/Low/some-surname-I-can't-remember. His nickname was moonraider on ICQ and he is a Malacca boy.

We met when my cousin gave me his contact in 1999 and the boy would send me midi files. I was quite touched. He called me and said two sentences and put down the phone and went online again to tell me that he like me very much lalalala bla bla bla bli blu bleh bloh... and it lasted for like FOUR days.

Why ar? Because my cousin showed a picture of me to him and he said I looked like shit.

The end.

I don't even consider that as a boyfriend lah. Just some bad experience. But to this day, I don't even know HOW he looks like. Now THAT is unfair. What to do, those were the days without digital camera and webcam. If i wanted to pass him my picture online, I would have needed a scanner(my god, do those things still exist?).

But it's good also lah, it's people like these who can stop me from being a perasan girl. At least I have learnt to be a humble and modest person from that experience.

I'm sorry I overreacted, folks. But I really really really hate it when I get comments like this. You want to tell me that my attitude on certain matter is abit incorrect.... fine. I can reason with you. But my day really gets spoilt with comments about the way I look. Like fuck I know I am not gorgeous. But I don't need to hear it.

I am afterall, a woman.

Oh, saw this quote somewhere before:

"There is so such thing as ugly women, only lazy women."

I think it was written by some blogger who studies at one of the public universities and was complaining about the clothes the girls in his uni wear. I can't remember which blogger.