I do my most critical thinking whilst meditating on the ceramic throne. (no thanks to chick lits and comic books like Archie or Doraemon that makes me procrastinate the pulling up off my ass). And that's when I read too much into certain issues.
I usually ponder over the things I've said to others during the day. Suddenly, an intense feeling of guilt will surge through me as I sit there sweating on the toilet bowl. I will immediately take on full responsibility of all the awkward situations that I've encountered in the day. I usually come to my senses whilst sitting on the toilet bowl. Weird, no?
Sometimes even a tear or two will drop. Emo-shitter, uh huh. That's me. Salty up, salty down.:P
If someone has angered me during the day, that's when my anger gets intense. I will immediately create the craziest assumption and the longer I spend in the toilet turning my ass to purple gangrened prunes.. I'll actually start to believe the thoughts in my head. I create this false reality and actually try to solve the problems that has 'arised'..(all this while I'm still waiting for that last bit to just fall out, goddamnit)
Especially when I have fall outs with my (close)friends. I will get so upset about the simplest things and first there'll be intense imaginary physical violence that would probably kill them in real life, and then there'll be that slight hint of forgiveness, and suddenly, the need to apologize rushes into me and I just CAN'T WAIT to be done with the poopoo and call them up/send them an email/write them a nice note.
If there is an important decision about myself that I have to make within a period of time, I get stressed unneccesarily and come up with all kinds of scary situations that could be consequences of my 'big hairy deal' decision.
Take for example the time my Dad nearly wanted to send me to Indonesia to study pre-med and then dentistry. I was actually pretty brave about it and ACTUALLY gave it a chance to develope in my head. Suddenly I thought about all the things that I will be left out on if I left in September this year and all my friends who I will miss so much.. all the tv shows... and will I like living in Indonesia?! Maybe for a holiday yes.. But definitely not somewhere to live!! What if they teach the entire course in bahasa indon?! WHAT.. if.. I...fall..in..love..with..the..culture..and..the..people...and BECOMEANINDONESIANWIFE?!! .... I was so freaked out and when I got out of the toilet I told my dad there's no way I'm going and I'm staying here, in Taylors. I love Malaysia too much! Maybe I should've gone form6!! (when i bother voicing this thoughts, my dad will nag me about how I didn't apply for ASEAN. yaya, I'm sure I'll get it, uh-huh. *nods nods*)
However, when I think of my other difficult decision.. that is entering NUS for that (really affordable) dentistry course they offer.I know it's damn difficult to go in and all..but I will create this false reality such as settling down there because of the 5 year bond they have with the government and marry a Singaporean man and have suicidal Singaporean kids(like I said before, maybe I'll send them to Johor for education so they won't feel so stressed) and basically have good moolah to come home in time for the megasales three times a year!! .....then I thought of the immediate situations that will result in my decision. Small allowance, no car, weird studying enviroment, nervous breakdowns, homesickness..... the singaporean kiasu syndrome that will make me crack in half during exam seasons..........with that, I will immediately change my course of mind, and think about good ol' IMU that could be a choice. BUT, do I really want to be a doctor/dentist?! What will I say during my uni interviews??! AM I EVEN GOOD ENOUGH?!
.... and all will be forgotten when I reach for the toilet roll and pull the flush.
If someone has angered me during the day, that's when my anger gets intense. I will immediately create the craziest assumption and the longer I spend in the toilet turning my ass to purple gangrened prunes.. I'll actually start to believe the thoughts in my head. I create this false reality and actually try to solve the problems that has 'arised'..(all this while I'm still waiting for that last bit to just fall out, goddamnit)
Especially when I have fall outs with my (close)friends. I will get so upset about the simplest things and first there'll be intense imaginary physical violence that would probably kill them in real life, and then there'll be that slight hint of forgiveness, and suddenly, the need to apologize rushes into me and I just CAN'T WAIT to be done with the poopoo and call them up/send them an email/write them a nice note.
If there is an important decision about myself that I have to make within a period of time, I get stressed unneccesarily and come up with all kinds of scary situations that could be consequences of my 'big hairy deal' decision.
Take for example the time my Dad nearly wanted to send me to Indonesia to study pre-med and then dentistry. I was actually pretty brave about it and ACTUALLY gave it a chance to develope in my head. Suddenly I thought about all the things that I will be left out on if I left in September this year and all my friends who I will miss so much.. all the tv shows... and will I like living in Indonesia?! Maybe for a holiday yes.. But definitely not somewhere to live!! What if they teach the entire course in bahasa indon?! WHAT.. if.. I...fall..in..love..with..the..culture..and..the..people...and BECOMEANINDONESIANWIFE?!! .... I was so freaked out and when I got out of the toilet I told my dad there's no way I'm going and I'm staying here, in Taylors. I love Malaysia too much! Maybe I should've gone form6!! (when i bother voicing this thoughts, my dad will nag me about how I didn't apply for ASEAN. yaya, I'm sure I'll get it, uh-huh. *nods nods*)
However, when I think of my other difficult decision.. that is entering NUS for that (really affordable) dentistry course they offer.I know it's damn difficult to go in and all..but I will create this false reality such as settling down there because of the 5 year bond they have with the government and marry a Singaporean man and have suicidal Singaporean kids(like I said before, maybe I'll send them to Johor for education so they won't feel so stressed) and basically have good moolah to come home in time for the megasales three times a year!! .....then I thought of the immediate situations that will result in my decision. Small allowance, no car, weird studying enviroment, nervous breakdowns, homesickness..... the singaporean kiasu syndrome that will make me crack in half during exam seasons..........with that, I will immediately change my course of mind, and think about good ol' IMU that could be a choice. BUT, do I really want to be a doctor/dentist?! What will I say during my uni interviews??! AM I EVEN GOOD ENOUGH?!
.... and all will be forgotten when I reach for the toilet roll and pull the flush.
