Little Girl In A Reverie
 

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Sunday, October 03, 2004


OMG I'M GOING TO JAIL

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
MY BLOOD IS BOILING SO BAD... ARGH!!!!

It was just a freaking accident and I found it hilarious with your unusual response. Not many guys will ask you, 'how now?' when they accidentally hit your boobs. I found it so funny and adorable and I just had to share it. I mean I expected 'sorry'.. but having a 'how now' was definitely some entertainment admist the long tiring day.

I hate it when people make me delete an entry. Absolutely. hate.

You know what? I DID mention that you were a nice guy.. even though u were abit aloof by not wanting me to know how you knew so many people.. I did say you looked at me when you talked to me as opposed to some other people who don't look at me when they talk to me. Which I absolutely cannot take. I wasn't even insulting you in anyway, if you FELT so.

I mean it was just a damn freaking common accident that could happen to anybody.
And it DID happen. It was an ACCIDENT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT THAT I FOUND FUNNY!!!!!!

And like everything that is funny to me, it goes here. I share it. Because it's funny!!!

It's not like it'll KILL your rePutaTion that you accidentally nudged a girl's boobs and left her laughing at your unusual apology, if you can call it that, huh?

Honestly, do you have a sense of humour in the first place?

I meant you no harm with my entry!

But legal proceedings, are you sure?!

That's quite strong if anything. Can't you start off with a civilised.."um, do u mind taking that off, I'm not quite comfortable being associated with breasts that belongs to girls like you.". BUT LEGAL PROCEEDINGS.. OMFG.. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I actually warmed up to you and thought you were alright.

Like hello?! People accidentally 'touch' each other everywhere, everyday. So what?! The whole thing was funny it's just because of your stoned reply, "so how now?"
I mean I myself found it such an adorable reply that I wanted to share it so much.
 
Coz that's me, boy. That's me. I am a person who sees the funny side of any awkward situation and enjoys sharing it with friends. Oh.. oh.. why is that, you ask?

MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE THERE'S SOMETHING CALLED, YOU KNOW, A SENSE OF HUMOUR?!?!

Obviously I don't know you very well and you don't know me very well.

This is me and this is what i do. I do not mind embarassing myself endlessly.

I'm taking off the damn entry because it's only polite to do so when one is requested to do so. But really, that legal proceedings bit, is just way way way over and is the main cause of my anger.

For all I know you might have a lawyer for a father/grandfather/mother/aunty/uncle/neighbour/cow/chicken who is free enough to sue the pants off me.

Honestly, you really could've smsed me or something. By using words like, "please".. "misunderstanding".. "not comfortable".."do you mind".."i didn't know.."...."I don't think that's how it was".. or SOMETHING NICE, NO?!

I don't know how I'm going to be able to carry out normal conversations with you during ed board meetings after this.

If you are getting so serious about this, I might as well do my own bit by exaggerating a million times and file for sexual harassment right?

It was obviously NOT sexual harassment and whatever happened definitely was only a small laughable accident. THAT'S ALL DUDE. THAT'S ALL.

Jayelle's back and neck ached at 3:33:00 am
  (34) glitter balls rolling.  | 

Saturday, October 02, 2004


Why Am I Single?(too)

****Discontinue reading if you can't be bothered to know that I DO have the occasional thought in my head besides memories accompanied with photographs of the latest happenings.....
****extra warning: Puke inducing according to tolerance of romance.


The time now is 12.20 and I KNOW I should be opening my biology book and reading up on..... whatever chapter 4 is about. What comes after enzymes? I'm SO screwed.

I'd blog about David's birthday do.. but I've been inspired to muse about something else. Maybe tomorrow I'll blog about his birthday thing alongside with pictures that he should send to me.

:) Kyle, Amanda and Aileen have inspired me to do this piece. I hope you guys don't mind. I know it's some sort of thing that you share among yourselves.. that spur of the moment similiar thoughts only a bunch of close friends would share. I'm the outsider that envies your musings. Hence, this. :) All the credits go to the three of you!

I wouldn't be questioning the fact as to WHY I am single.. because there aren't many reasons as to why I am still single after 17 years of living. It's either this or that, or these or those. (too disgusting, too different, too unhot enough, too crappy, too friendly, too stange, too distant, too wrong. etc)

But i DO realize I might sound like a desperado by questioning this.

I don't know why but I feel the world around me is pairing up really fast.. and the ratio of friends who are in relationships to other single friends are closing in on a solid 1:1.
That's close to a 50%.

Hence feeling lonely is inevitable.

I don't know what to do with my presence when my friends start touching each other and whispering sweet nothings to each others' ears in front of me.
Should I smile and look away? Should I pretend I didn't see anything? Should I laugh and try to break them apart and say, "that's quite enough, kids."? Should I jump in and join the fun? Haha. But you see? That's just me.

I worry about getting too serious about myself emotionally and would quickly make a joke to stop myself from falling lower.

When I was younger, whenever I frequent places like Starbucks or Coffeebean in the night, I used to wish I too had someone to hold me in front of our friends and lying on someone's chest with that smug expression on my face.
when I was younger, whenever I visited any holiday destinations, I wished I had someone to share the cool night air with or long beach walks with.

But those are probably the thoughts of a 13/15 year old who is in need of some hot luvving. There I go again, trying to be funny.

I never wished for someone to call me 24/7.
I have wished for proclamations of love.
I never wished for someone to buy me breakfast,lunch and dinner.
I have wished for someone to hold my hand.
I never wished for someone to always be beside me everywhere I go.
I have wished for the sweet chase of a potential relationship.
I never wished for a personal driver.
I have wished for a childhood sweetheart. I'm 17, is it too late?
I never wished for teddy bears or diamonds.
I have wished for love letters.

I think my problem is that I always try to see and while I'm at it, try to make everyone else see the funny side of whatever situation that I'm not comfortable in.

Usually my mushy button is set to 'on' by romance inducing factors. And the factors usually do not revolve around me. (friends in love, tv shows about love, books about romance..blablabla.)
And it's set to maximum 'off' when I get a chance to test the waters of that type of world.

And when the Chance packs its bags and leave my door, I immediately rush to the door only to see Chance by the airplane window, fast becoming a speck in the sky and hence disappearing to nothingness.

Now, who wants me to shut the fuck up?

Let's compare. When I was 13, I wanted a boyfriend. or rather I wanted that friend boy to be my boyfriend. And that was all. Never thought anything more.

Now I expect that being with someone, is more physical. I don't know much about the 'caring for me, me caring for him' part. That will probably come together wrapped neatly in a package when Relationship comes knocking on my door.

But how is it that some people just jump into these things so easily?
I observed someone getting together having not known each other for more than a week or so. Do they not worry?

But tell me, who do not enjoy some attention? It would be nice to have a sweet little secret admirer. But obviously it depends on who you are.:)
I remember in early form1 I had a pseudo-best friend who was showered with attention from the opposite sex and I used to moan about how I don't think I'm pretty enough and bla bla and she was like, "haiyo, complain so much, get plastic surgery la." .. My self-esteem went an all time low that couple of years when some seniors insulted my exterior. I did feel ugly.

But you know what? Congrats to myself. I don't feel so bad about myself anymore. I think I look better with abit more meat in my face.(even though recently Kay Hong told me that he found it strange I have extra meat near my chin. He couldn't find the word that could describe Double Chin. bitch.)

 I think I look better with a happier outlook on there things around me. I think I look and feel better a rounder looking Jolene than bags-of-bones-while-drowning-in-clothes-with-sad-hair Jolene. Am I saying I'm happy being fatter? Hahaha..Maybe. But it is strange, why is it that when I feel good about myself, I don't seem to get those 'attention' so much?
When I felt ugly, I actually had a few people coming up to me .. and allowing me to drag the chase for long long whiles.

Sorry to say la, but jealousy will always.. in my case, TILT it's ugly head. Just a scoop of jealousy on the side. I do away with the hate.
My close friends are mostly sweeter looking and on bad days, when a random boy would rather look at them..actually look is a pretty weak term to define that action...more like trail with their eyes.. I used to feel a pang of sadness. But now I choose to look elsewhere, like say, the blue clouds in the sky..or the cool skirt some random girl has on..anything to stop me from feeling bad about myself. :)

I don't dwell on this shit much. But tonight I take time off from being Jolene-set on studying for AS mode to being Jolene-the sad case mode.

Honestly, I've never sat pondering, "Why am I not sort after abit more?" unlike some people I know. This question usually comes after rejections to confessions offered to my love interests.

I don't get a chance to sit here pondering, "Shit, fark, when's it coming? So Slow one?". This is because I'm so filled with friends that I don't see the point in doing so. But lately, that's not the case. It's time to grow up.

Therefore, I've started to believe that no matter who we are, there will always be that someone for us. True...whatever..does exist. It could be someone we played masak-masak with, someone who traded Ultraman tapes with you in standard 1, someone who walks home with you occasionally, someone who comforted you when they saw tears in your eyes, someone who accompanied you for late night mamak sessions and most importantly that someone who has always been waiting patiently by your side.

Maybe it's just the potential-spinster in me talking.

But human beings will always be human beings. There will always be things for us to take for granted. It will always disappear after awhile awakening us to the fact that we were so nonchalant. I learnt it the hard way. But if all goes well, and if some people remember that they still have an email account, then bless me, I hope I'm heading the right way.

Jayelle's back and neck ached at 2:46:49 am
  (24) glitter balls rolling.  | 

Thursday, September 30, 2004


Half Fried Me

Today is the A-Levels Photoshoot day and I'm a lobster now.

8.00-2.20pm had me under the scorching sun even though the day started off with the ending of a storm from the night before. Arrived at Barry's place with the intention of arriving early, but received an sms that said, "shitting, wait ah." Haih, two days in a row adi. Barry, you really have to adjust your shitting time.

I suppose my job today was not THAT tough. But it was interesting to know what kind of people there are in A-levels.

And I've come to a conclusion that:
1. The boys are all very tall.
2. There are two extreme type of girls. Those whose main purpose to come to college is to be seen in their latest togs and those who never wear anything else but baby tees and jeans.
3. That even though we're all 18 year olds, the similiarity between us and kindergarten children during an assembly is uncanny.

But I'm grateful that there are no more immature pre-teens who would try to mimic your shrill commanding voice when you try to arrange them in place.

What am I saying, we ARE 18 year olds. I take pride in being akin to an 18 year old.

*this section has been "discredited" because someone said he wanted to sue me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAA..... and.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. ok. the story was that he accidentally nudged my boobs and when he turned around, he asked me, "how now?".. and I just found it so incredibly funny. anyway.*

Ah.. was oggling Esther's hot lecturer. My, my, how can anyGUY'S ass be THAT succulently tight..?! The way he walked, he just kept swinging his hot bum side to side, luring me to..........STUDY ECONS. AHAHAHAHAA. And he's got this Jim Carrey type of face. Hidden behind abit of floppy hair with a youthful smile. hahahaaha. hotbum hotbum hotbum hotbum. This is the first time I can safely say, "MY WHAT A SEXY ASS."

There were a bunch of girls before Su-Hsien's class who were SO adament on NOT standing on the chairs. Reason being: "AiYaH, WeArInG hiGh HeeLS lA.. How To StAnDdDddDddDddDdD(intentionally dragged on to play Pied Piper with the boys)."... Like sheesh. Don't you know that the boys in YOUR class are so friggin tall? And most importantly, don't you know that I have to stand in the sun the whole day and if we stall anymore time, I leave later?
*I so needed to take my eyeballs out and roll it around my palms*

Verdict on the Myth that A-Levels got no cute guys: Sad, but true. But if you look long enough..(like me, 14.20-8.00= 6 hours) ..you'll know that there are a few rare gems amidst the hundreds of a-level's guys. *air liur meleleh. setitik-dua saje*

But pretty girls alot.. If I was a guy, I'd be happy.

Yesterday at Success, I told Abby, Chun Meng, Kevin and Melissa the "why did the malaysian cross the road" joke. It was like both couples were at a game show, bombarding the answer at me, the host.

And the answers they all came up with? lame lame all.
"to buy roti canai?" "to see lenglui" "to follow the chicken?" "to buy prepaid card?" "coz got zebra crossing?" "cannot cross but cross anyway" "to see Kevin."(Kevin said this one). etc.. haih. Even when Zhuo Yan joined us, he couldn't guess.

My friends didn't want to give in to me.. *sob*. They tried guessing till I was late for physics. They did it on purpose because I did the "GooOooood retarded chilDrennn" joke on them. AHAHAHAAHAH. Melissa Kena. Who else would?

Oh the answer to the joke is "why, to see the accident across the road of coz." I think I've blogged this joke before.

Esther and I discovered this bit of pavement today.



It's damn cool. Someone, years ago, did some graffiti on the undried cement and years later, this is what happened. Moss is actually growing along the lines.

Jayelle's back and neck ached at 12:05:39 am
  (13) glitter balls rolling.  | 

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Hi, my name is Jolene and if there is a question in your head, this answer will definitely answer it: I was wrong and irrational. I was being a woman.


Jolene Lai, Jolene Lai,
Came to life in January and not July,
She is 19 years of age,
Can't wait to earn her own wage,
This dental student is home sick,
Will never be in Kedah for more than three weeks.

Subang Jaya is where she's from,
The only place she'll ever call home.
Has a boyfriend, a brother and a dog,
The things she says can give you a shock.

Especially for her father, who always gets a heart attack when he reads this blog.

Hey, rhymes!
 

Why The National Service Entries Ended.

My favourite posts:
Please Don't Take My Orange Away (9/03/05)
Flasher On MSN! (28/4/05)
Looking Back From Where They Left Off (8/10/05)
A Bottle Of My Bestest Friends In The Whole Wide World!(13/2/06)
Diary Extracts For Him From The Yesteryears (23/3/06)



Love proclamations and hate mails can go to jolenelai@gmail.com

Money can be sent to an address upon request.

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