LOL my brother and my step cousin emo-ed about not getting pimped, so I told them, "Haiya yes lah, coming soon." But since I took so long, I'll give this one EXTRA effort!! :)

Initially I wanted to insert the two in a last Pimptress' Bachelor BUMPER edition(where I'll finish all the guys one shot..got a large amount, you lucky lucky ladies.), but I thought it'll be fun to do a family special. hahahaha.


I remember going to the hospital with arsenic on the 3rd of May 1989 when my grandparents told me that we were going to see my new brother.

Jolene the toddler: New kid on the block eh? Not for long now..*rubs chubby palms in glee*

How a two year old little girl managed to get some arsenic is not important.

But since he ate Rentokil before when he was 2 years old(true story) and didn't get into any trouble, he didn't die when I fed him arsenic.

Hence, Mervyn Lai Wei Shiung managed to live for another 17 years and hopefully many many years more until he is old and grey.


He may seem a little brooding and mysterious but deep down he is passionate about things that he really likes. Very much like me. :) *beams proudly*

He is also loyal and creative. One thing about my brother which works with the ladies would be that he is TALL. TALL AS IN OMFG TALL. 2nd tallest in school apparently. Mun Teng's brother bags the tallest dude title in SMK Subang Utama.

Quite cool that the two tallest guys' sisters are best friends(along with my 10 other dahlings).

183cm I think.


-uh, I think he is trying to tell us about his new sunglasses..-

As his girlfriend, you'll probably be able to come shopping with me, get your manicure done by me, get to camwhore with me, get to come for our family weekend movies, get to be protected by me when he is mean to you, have me to beat him up if he treats you badly  you'll probably get the sweetest heartwarming gifts that his mind can conjure, have lovely poems written about you and the fact that he kisses the ground you walk on will be known by the entire world.


If THAT doesn't sell, how about knowing that your babies will look OH SO ADORABLE? (i'm tooting my own horn here because alot of people say we look alike, haw haw haw). I just love this ice-cream photo. hahaha. I think he was about 3 years old. This was taken at The Valley Club in SS19, Subang Jaya.


His birthday party at McDonald's Section 14 at age 1. Where he ruined the cake by slapping his chubby fist into the poor Donald Duck cake. :(


We all love fat babies don't we? My brother was a heavy one. <3 *heart heart*

Oh well, if you guys are so stubborn and are still not convinced that you should take him home... maybe this video will change your mind.


He made it for this girl called Amanda Lee whom he really really liked who went to US last year to finish her high school education. There's another video where he took snippets out from to make this video which was like a Goodbye Message Video to her. He filmed all her friends saying byebye to her and telling her how much they'll miss her and stuff. Accompanied with photos that he has taken of her and with her and of all her friends, with James Blunt crooning to You're Beautiful..if the tears don't come cascading down at the end of the video, well I'll slap your ass and call you Judy. (don't know, always hear people say that phrase one. hehe)

He'd buy her a nice bouquet of roses every valentine's day from form2(year 2003) right up till the time she's in the USA where he ordered roses for her as well.

So if you wanna steal his heart...

Email me at jolenelai@gmail.com, with the subject: Mysterious Mervyn




Derek Ho Hong Wai, born in 1988. He is currently doing his A levels in Sunway College and is staying on campus. Hehehe he doesn't know that I am putting this up. Shy, extremely talented and pretty mysterious as well.

I've never actually heard of his romantic life but there were some teasing going on from his mean older cousin Jolene and his mean older sister Jacqueline. Hehehe.


He is a very hardworking boy, which means you can be sure that he'll ensure that there will always be food on the table no matter what. So being his wife would mean a secure life for you.

He is not a spiteful boy, so if you're SICK of dealing with your bastard's sarcasm and whiplashing, my cousin here will be a breath of fresh air.


l-r: Derek, Me, Jacqueline at cousin Hong fei's wedding.

As I have already mentioned, he is an extremely talented boy. He has a black belt in Taekwando(and I think he is still carrying on to the higher stages), doing his diploma in piano(the pianist of the family), I don't know if playing computer games qualify as a talent but yeah, he plays games, he is taking his ice-skating hobby very seriously - last I heard he even went on to represent for some games........and I have a gut feeling that he'll take up cooking very very soon. Just you wait. :)



To top it off, he has SUCH silky hair!


Like I said, he is brilliant on the piano. Here's him doing Fantasy Impromptu. And forgive the lag, my audio cacat, it doesn't follow the visual component very well.

If you want more information on Derek, Email me at jolenelai@gmail.com with the subject: Darling Derek



Here, is my step cousin Justin Tiew. I have NEVER seen this guy in real life before and we've only heard about each other UNTIL I saw his nick tagging at Kennysia's tagboard before messaging him saying, "eh? my step cousin Justin TIew ar?" and so our "family-relationship" developed.

I've heard about him way back in 2001 because he had abit of interest in one of my friends..(teeheehee) and then he heard not so nice things about me in college due to some boob nudging incident. My boobs by the way. Yeah, we were from the same A-levels course, yet we've never had the chance to meet in person. Very very strange.


-photos were taken by Kevinhan, said Justin.-
I'm sure besides complementing his lovely character and personality, there's a hundred and one things you can do for Justin like, uh, spreading honey all over those pecs and sliding over it...Mmmmmm..

Honestly, I can't give you the analysis that Justin deserves, because I don't know his characteristics in real life. But I do have the impression that he is a very good son, a brilliant student(he is doing an engineering course in Australia, ON FULL SCHOLARSHIP!!) and a man of the kitchen. :)


Alas, some clothes.

Yes ladies, he cooks. He experiments with recipes! Amazing.


He actually came all the way to Sg.Petani(yes, I'm studying in his hometown.-_-) to learn some cooking from his aunty.

Don't you want to dine with him, savouring his labour of love with a candlelight illuminating his loving face and him romancing you in his many ways? :)

..ohmigod, I surprise myself sometimes. I was listening to a very upbeat disney song(something from Beauty and the beast) when I typed the above sentence. Didn't know it can rhyme so nicely. Hahahaha.


This is his last photo, I promise. Gotta use up the ones that he sent to me, or else it doesn't serve its purpose. :D

For more information, please email me at jolenelai@gmail.com with the subject: Juicy Justin

I understand that today's selection of men is rather limited in the age category, unable to cater to the hornier older ones among you ladies.:) However, if you have a younger single sister, do hit me back yeah.

Now here are the other cousins who have been removed from the market:


Cousin Ho Hong Weng, Age 25(same age with Paris Hilton and Britney Spears you know!) and attached to an air stewardess from MAS. That's my mum on his other side by the way.



Another potential one gone would be cousin Lo Kwan Hoong who oscillates between the english name of Vincent and Nicholas throughout his secondary school years. Previously a student of SMK Seafield, he is waiting to enter MMU. He is 18 years old.


Has a 'BaByGirL' for quite a long time now..


hoho. I suppose the photo speaks for itself right?
Cousin Ho Hong Fei, age 28, married to his high school sweetheart, Kwee Fong. Both of them were classmates in Catholic High School. *cough cough* This scenario seems familiar. *cough*


Cousin Leow Mian Yong, Age 29(same age with Douglas Lim!! and Eyeris!) was previously studying in Taylor's College's A-Levels(same like me!) and stayed with my family for over a year when I was only 8 years old. LOL. Quite a pity I didn't know how to appreciate the college boys that he brought home at that time.

He has a fiance who comes from Hong Kong whom he met while studying in US. He is now working in the US and will not come back. :(


Oh! My two semi gweilo cousins!
l-r: the 17 year old with yucky coloured hair, Simon Hall and Jonathan Hall.

They have chinese names that they use as their middle names.

Simon's is Wei Lien and Jonathan's is Wei Xin. hehehehe. so cute right. So it's like Jonathan James Wei Xin Hall.

Oh, right. They are from the UK and have been living there all their lives. Their mum's chinese and is my aunt. However, last I heard they were single, but I can never be too sure with these two cousins of mine.

I think Simon's 23 this year and Jonathan's only 3 days older than me, which makes him 19 as well.

Other cousins without photos:
The rest are in primary school and kindergarten and some hasn't even started kindergarten..so I suppose I don't have to pimp them right?

I do have another cousin that I thought would be fun to pimp. Khoo Something Beng. Yeah, I know, me is bad bad cousin. But I call him Ah Beng Kor Kor when I see him. Though he prefers to be called Ivan, understandably.

You guys may have seen him before, previously doing some advertorial shots for Tmnet as this disco dude who dances alone on the dance floor(it's in Klue magazine)

or the adorable Malaysian student in a foreign land who is decked out in his traditional chinese costume during the winter(which is during Chinese New Year)with the caption below saying, "My friends always ask me why I dress up like Santa Claus this time of the year."

And he was one of the family members in that Tenaga Nasional ad with the entire family cooling their food with the table fan. Hehe.

Oh, and another with where he was some delivery boy for some rich tai tai and I think that was a Streamyx ad.

Haih, banyak lah.

He seems quite popular with the ladies, as I once saw a horde of girls coming out from his room during Chinese New Year, and him giggling with them and being very happy. heh. I wouldn't worry much about him. Pity I don't have photos of him though.

Well, I suppose that wraps up my family special edition. Will bring the BUMPER issue out soon, stay tuned!

Here're some flashbacks for you to oggle:

Batch 3 Of Sweet Bachelors

More Sweetheart Bachelors For Your Pickings

A Night Out With SOME Bachelors and Cheng Beng Before That.

Despite the beginning of my exams, I did tell myself to sleep at about 12am or latest 1am but no such luck. Constantly going to bed at earlier 4am and then downing a bottle of Chicken Herbal Essence the next morning on an empty stomach before going into the examination hall is a no-no.

Throughout the examination I would usually be found sitting with my legs tucked under my bum. I don't think my classmates will mind because they all know me well enough for me to be unprim-and-unproper. When I am already frustrated with the bloody paper, at least let me be comfortable damnit!

However, my greatest nightmare about examinations would be having to shit oh so badly during a 3 hour paper. It's like you're rushing to finish the paper and yet the mofo stool in your tummy keeps banging on your abdominal walls. How to do your work you tell me?

I did try to have a good shit before all my papers. But sometimes you will forget, you see. :(

But I realised it has happened to me almost every time I sit for a major exam in the past 3 years. SPM not included lah. This started after SPM.

I realised that it was actually because I was nervous. Contractions in my abdominal regions were increased when I got nervous hence this intense need to go take a crap. Very kesian one I tell you. It's very distracting.

I did google it though. Apparently it's IBS(Irritable Bowel Syndrome). Sigh. I wonder if there's a cure for it.

Imagine, if I get nervous during my wedding day, I'm like, "DAMNIT, gotta take a crap." and then rush to the toilet in my wedding gown. .... somemore the gown is white. uh-oh.

Or when I give birth for the first time. Doctor says, "PUSH MISS LAI PUSH!"

...eh... apa nih Miss Lai all..lol. Damnit, cannot cannot. Can't still be a "MISS" when I have my first child right? My father will kill me and disown me. lol

So I'll be so nervous and will probably crap out the baby and some poo as well.

Actually I wanted to blog about how I overdosed on tau foo fah. I came down with a bad case of diarrhoea after my dentistry paper and the mere mention, scent or sight of tau foo fah would rouse these nauseous feeling in me. I've been eating two tubs of tau foo fah for the past 2 weeks every. single. day. 





I wanted to blog about the goodness of the tau foo fah, but can't bring myself to look at the photos or else I'd puke all over the computer. But since I took the photos a couple of weeks ago I might as well put it all up.



However I've become quite good friends with the Uncle who sells the tau foo fah.



To the point where I would even ask him to reserve two tubs for me everyday.

Then suddenly one morning I woke up and just thinking about tau foo fah makes me want to vomit.



Was quite bad, breaking the news to the Uncle. Well serves him right for always bullying me by telling me that he forgot to reserve my tau foo fah for me. Jokes get old very very fast. Once I even sort of believed him and walked back to Lie Yuen's car and he chased after me with the tau foo fah.


-I know I am disgusting, bite me.-

I can't even bring myself to go near his stall so I would usually stay in the car when Lie Yuen goes down to buy her Kwai Lin Kou(some black jelly). The Uncle thought I was angry at him. Please. :) So Lie Yuen told him I had diarrhoea.. and that he needn't save me anymore tau foo fah. The poor man looked pretty crestfallen.


But his tau foo fah was quite nice lah, when I was loving it.



Love the clothe wrapping the covers.


His soyabean is quite nice as welll.. very sweet smelling.


You can either have it with white or brown sugar.


Mmmm..milky goodness.


His wares.


The tau foo fah comes with ice!


See, he purposely reserved two tubs worth of tau foo fah for me.


I used to love this.


I editted the photo when I was still in love with tau foo fah.


His business is quite good.. so we have to go early if we want to get our tau foo fah or soya bean.


Nice shot.


Since the worst of the exams are over, I've decided to clean my room! YES FINALLY!


See the craziness.


That's two halves of a dead insect, a whole dead insect, a wing, my dandruff and a bit of haw flake crumb(you know that red biscuit thing..).. found it all on my desk while I was tidying up.


While I was studying last night, I came across a reallllly old reminder amidst my biochemistry notes. LOL. So appropriate.


Clearing my room, I found four month old digestive biscuits in a container, 2 months old famous amos and 1 month old Kjeaksdjkasjd... ah screw it, what's it called again?


see how dirty my table is? Those are mostly dead insects.


Found two dead beetles as well. And a couple of moths.


Spring cleaning to the max. Damn spiders.


I was throwing spiders into the toilet bowl.


Can you see one trying to climb out?


TADA!! Okay or not??:P

-

I was having dinner at one of the three coffeeshops that we usually go to with a few of the classmates.

Brenda who is pretty caught up with blogging as well would usually indulge in conversation with me about the latest going-ons in the blogosphere.

Since she doesn't have internet at her rented room here in Sungai Petani, I briefed her about the latest going-ons. The obvious ones aside, I also told her that HER troll, Your Limpeh, has kindly paid my blog a visit as well.

Brenda: WAH THAT ASSHOLE ASK HIM TO FUCK HIMSELF MAN.
Me: Yalo, ask me to Zh'ng my face somemore.
Brenda: WAH HE ASK WHETHER WANT TO BRING LUBRICANT SO THAT HE CAN COME AND FUCK ME OR NOT.
Me: At least he wants to fuck you ma. Haha. What he has been saying is FAR from anything about fucking with me.
Brenda: I HOPE HIS DICK FALLS OFF. HE IS SO PERVERTED.
Me: At least he finds you attractive enough to be perverted ma. He doesn't even let me go near his balls.

LOL. That's the difference between both of us. I sound so calm because I'm a veteran kena-flamer and she's just had her first taste of trolls. :) But Brenda does sound quite loud and talks very fast when she's pissed. Heh.

We've long given up on clearing the mess since it is usually really ripe papayas that comes crashing down all over the place. Most of them are in an advanced stage of decay already and some have even disappeared. LOL. Eaten or vapourised, I'm not sure.

But two green papayas dropped next to the gate a couple of evenings ago. Lie Yuen and I decided to kick the two papayas all the way to the dumpster.

I remember some minutes thing going on at the Match replays on the world cup's official website. (Yes, I actually go to see the highlights of the match videos.:))


The papaya decided to roll under Lishen's car instead. :(


Lie Yuen decided that my legs were long enough to get the papaya out.


Digging digging.


Damn papaya


But alas, I managed. :)


Let's continue kicking!


Obviously you don't expect me to touch that dusty papaya with my own bare hands?


Oh yeah, we had to dispose off the papaya leaf as well. It looked quite pretty in the morning actually. Like a four leaf clover newly descended right in front of our gate, with morning dew dotting it and the sunlight's reflection bouncing off....but it didn't do much to our luck with the physiology papers anyway. -_-


And so people, that's just me, acting like me, an extra horrible photo of me, but I think I quite like this picture because I'm having fun. :) I don't really care how I look on this blog as this blog chronicles me and my everyday nonsense.


Another shot at the papaya ball. Lai goes in for another pass..


Sadly the papaya doesn't take off from the ground when I kick it. It just keeps rolling.


Heading towards the dumpster.


Oh hello!:) *Papaya neglected to pose for the camera*


The game continues.


Lie Yuen was also kicking her own papaya ball.


It's a little dangerous though to continue kicking the papaya ball blindly. We had to wait for some cars to pass by first before crossing the road. Mummy always teach one.


Heh.:)


But by the time we got to the dumpster, neither of us wanted to pick the papaya up and throw it in the dumpster. LOL. So dirty and sandy and muddy. Eww.

Oooh, I've been addicted to this video alot recently. It's Mad TV's parody of the Moulin Rouge's Lady Marmalade video. I think I replayed it like 10 times. LOL. And when I am eating, studying,shitting, sleeping..all that replays in my head is this stupid video. Hahaha. Do search for the original Lady Marmalade video. I'm still very impressed with the original video. :)




I'm on a Mad TV binge. I LOVE BUNNY SWAN.