I'm sorry for being such a girl and emo-ing at the wrong time.

There was a slight dispute which was due to what I said and after hours of re-evaluating myself, I decided to admit that I was at fault and was being silly.

I cannot help it if I am old fashioned. Even my own cousin scolded me for being old fashioned.

I had a drink with my cousin sister at Starbucks where she surfed the net on my laptop looking for a place to stay in Sunway/Subang area. We had a long chat over that new banana specialty drink(I don't know my starbucks). At about 12am, I sent her back to her apartment and thought about what happened earlier in the day.

Maybe I should go to his house, and call him out to the gate just so I can say a simple good bye.

The drive from Sunway to SS19 took me 10 minutes because I wasn't going very fast. The roads were empty and the music on the radio was distracting me. My heart thumped along to the beats and I turned the radio off when I could no longer stand the way my heart was beating in sync to the radio beats.

The air conditioning was starting to make me feel more nervous than I already was. I was shivering while I was driving partly due to the cold and partly due to being nervous. I have no explanation why I was nervous but perhaps because I thought it would be damn nice to put a smile on his face.

You know what kind of nervousness was it? It was the type of nervousness you get whenever you're about to tell someone that you like them very much. The difficult to breath, extremely cold feeling enveloping you type.

When I turned into his row, I parked my car in front of his neighbour's house and the shadows from the trees outside his house provided me with a temporary sanctuary.
I turned the engine off and dialled his number on my handphone. I was feeling all happy and nervous at the same time. Wonder what he would say when he sees me outside his house?

*Bleeep*

My screen flashed a couple of times and went black.

I pressed the power button, hard.

My screen lit up again and died violently this time. *Bleeeep!! Bleep! Bleeep!*

I was thinking, this cannot be happening to me. I wanted to do this and my phone has no battery?!

I know that he has a wireless network and decided to try my luck and see if I can connect via my laptop and go online and communicate with him from there.

I searched the networks in my range and ah hah, there it was, Wireless Lam.

But it was a secured connection. Might as well just surrender, give up and go home.

It would be mad to knock on his door at that hour so I decided to head home.

One of his family cars just pulled up at his front door. I drove past and didn't want to look back, because it's odd for a girl to be outside the house at that hour. But if it was him in the car...then can really be like some Hong Kong drama show where the two leads don't realise that it is each other that they have just surpassed.

No don't worry folks, nothing bad happened. It's just me wanting to surprise him with a goodbye before I head back to Kedah.

I drove home, somewhat disappointed and dejected.

I called him when I reached home and told him what happened and he told me that it was alright. Such a pity, but it's alright.

After hanging on the phone for awhile he went back to his books as he has a test tomorrow.

My period really coming wei. I can feel it. Stupid emo stupid girl STUPID STUPID GIRL.

MUET stands for Malaysian University ENGLISH Test. I couldn't refrain from raising my eyebrows when the invigilator gave the instructions in malay. Uh, I thought we were sitting for an ENGLISH test. It didn't help make the whole situation seem anymore professional when the guy threw in a couple of English words, "You can mula now."

WOW! I'm so impressed with the English words like "You", "Can" and "now".

I think I'll use that for my essay! Thanks! (The essay which I wrote 300 words more than the required amount and still had time for an hour's worth of sleep.)

I'm not going to sound uppity and say that the paper was SO bloody easy because it was not, it was pretty confusing and I just hope to get the maximum Band6. Because English is the only language I can converse well in, write and read.

As most of the Malaysian university students would know, there are four components to the paper, one of which is the Listening component. A recorded text is played for the entire examination hall to hear and we were to answer questions according to the given text. Multiple Choice Questions.

The comprehension component was also in the form of Multiple Choice Questions.

There were no MCQs in my OTHER english university exam(bloody English For Academic And General Purposes, sien) and I got an A+ in that. My only A+ since I graduated from primary school. Oklah, besides English and lower secondary school maths that is. So really, please, a Band6 for MUET is not too much to ask.

ANYWAY.. you know how crucial it is that we pay full attention to the listening component? How every single syllable uttered from the speakers matter?

Right.

I don't think the invigilators quite got the point though.

While we were trying our best to find the answers from the recorded text, the stupid invigilators were PEELING MASKING TAPE without ANY discretion whatsoever. You know, just going, "SHHHAAAAAA..PRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPP...STRRIIIIIPPPPPP....!!!". I don't know for what lah, perhaps to seal our earlier test papers. BUT STILL. HAVE SOME BRAINS LAH. WE ARE THE STUDENTS HERE AND YET WE CAN DIFFERENTIATE WHAT IS STUPID AND WHAT IS THE NORM.

Ohmygod.

And the CHIEF(I bet he doesn't know this word since he doesn't use english as a medium of instruction) Invigilator was chatting happily with another one of the lady invigilators. I could only here a constant string of mumbling and I was sitting about 8 seats away from the front of the hall. Imagine the poor students who are sitting in the first few rows, being bothered by every single distracting syllable uttered by those inconsidered invigilators.

Let's not focus on only ONE thing that pisses me off.

Let's move on to bloody rude bimbos.

That's my ex-housemate, Vinnie and her arm and the guy who is falling off his chair is Steven.

-

I should have taken a picture of the ceiling of my room in Kedah for this blog entry.(am back in Subang for the weekend). Anyway, one of the panels is curved downwards, threatening to fall. But one end of the panel is held up by the CEILING FAN and another end is held up by the FLUORECENT light. My biggest worry is that when it fully detaches, it'll bring the fan and light down with it.

This could be one of my last time blogging in this blog. See ya folks. It has been a good two and a half years.

Okay, fine, of course I called the agent because I am not that stupid. They procrastinated sending someone over and insisted that the owner who would be coming up to Sg. Petani this weekend would like to see the ceiling for himself.

I called them on Tuesday. By the time Saturday comes around just so that the owners can have a look, the ceiling fan would have chopped of both my legs while I'm asleep and the fluorecent light bulb would have smashed to pieces and the shards of glass would have made me blind if I was fortunate.

If I was unfortunate, the ceiling fan might fall and decapitate my head AT an angle(think cutting Kai Lan stem style) and the fluorecent lamp would probably stab right through my head, whichever comes first.

The only good thing that will come from these choi-tai-kat-lai-si(choi, touch wood) incidents would be the ability to sue the pants off the real estate agent. And my insurance. And basically making a big hoo-hah over my freak accident.

So you guys heard it here first. Li Shen has the name of the company, get it from her if anything happens to me and help me seek for revenge ka-ching style.

Sigh. Will call them again when I get back to Sungai Petani.

**

Malaysian express buses? Same ol' story.

If I drive from Selangor to Kedah, it takes a miniscule amount of 4 hours.

Take the bus and 2 more hours of your life is wasted.

Usually it is only 5 hours. Today it was 6 hours. I DON'T NEED TO PEE THAT OFTEN, GODDAMNIT.

And I know they have been warned not to go fast but at the speed I was going I could count the amount of white lines drawn on the tar road. Even a Kancil was faster than the bus. A decent speed should be a speed that is fast enough to see the strips of line that separates the lanes as a single white line.

Instead of reaching Subang at 8pm(plus ktm and lrt journeys) I reached at nearly 10pm. In the morning I cheerfully smsed my parents and told them I wanted to eat Jap food since I'm oh-so-pityful-and-nutritionless-in-Kedah and they said, "Sure dear! No problem~!"

:( By the time I reached home all the decent jap restaurants have already closed.

Feel so depressed, I think I'll go to sleep now.

Paying my paternal grandfather a visit in Malacca tomorrow morning. It's a little late for cheng beng but that's how my family functions. Simplicity at its best. Crowds suck.

It's cute enough that I have very very young cousins using MSN.

It's damn cute that they even bothered to add me on MSN.

It's EVEN cuter that their nicknames are like, "Oh why do I still like him after all this while?" and "I don't know what to do now that she is not talking to me now..". The first nickname belongs to a girl cousin and the second one belongs to a guy cousin respectively.

It was only yesterday that I layan-ed them when they wanted to play masak-masak with me or toy soldiers... eh wait, that was MY generation. It was only yesterday that I layan-ed them when they wanted to play Crash Bandicoot on PSOne with me.

So I observed the boy cousin's nickname for sometime. "(girl's name).. I can't believe after everything I've done, you've blocked me on MSN?" The poor boy really sounds heartbroken! But damn, aren't kids pretty vocal with their emotions these days?

Then there was once the girl cousin's nickname read, "I really like this guy.....".

*sigh* Yes, I used to do that alot too when I had ICQ. You remember the Info/About section where you could type whatever you want? I used to fill it with non-descript little poems that go something like this:

I come to school early to see your face,
Your presence left me in such a daze,
Dreaming that one day you will be mine,
The day when the stars align.

And I was 12.

Heh.

I mean I KNOW I should be sympathetic that my little cousins are going through rough patches in their boy girl relationships.. but I find it so cute that they now like the opposite sex! Yay!

At least they have MSN to express themselves these days. When I was much much younger, say about 8 years old, my mother gave me this little First Aid box which was made out of wood with a door that could be locked. I used to put all kinds of crap inside and would beat my brother up when he took my toys out of the box. (the key was not very difficult to find. It was usually put underneath the box.)

I even wrote a love letter in horrible magic colour pens to the boy who bullied me in class. I kept it in that first aid box, waiting for the right time to give it to the boy. I think it went something like,

"Dear Jin Yang(yes, if you know some top scorer in SAM Taylors 2005, that's him.),
I think you should know that I like you. I wonder if you like me too?"

My mother found the letter and read it out to me with a naughty smirk on her face. I was so embarrassed but pretended to be nonchalant about it.

Rewind another 2 years back, I woke up from my afternoon nap and told my mum,
"Mummy, I've made up my mind to tell Ho Hoi Yew that I like him! Yes, I think I will do it tomorrow."
And my mum just layan-ed and said, "Okay!"

LOL. I didn't though.

In fact, the first time I used the internet to get in contact with my crush, I got accused of being a stalker.

Me: Hi!! It's me, Pei Shan. From your class..!"
Barry: What are you, a stalker?

And when the Zhhhhnnnng chime from the ICQ alert stating that the "user has authorized me" rang through my speakers, my heart clenched in anticipation.

We were waiting for our UPSR results at that time somemore. LOL.

And yes, it's the same Barry(you can find him on my friends' links) we all know and love now. To my blogger friends, yea it is Suet Li's Barry.

Truth be told, I never hated the opposite sex. I never got into the whole "ew, boys are icky." phase.

I've always been one of those sad little hormones raging youngling who held a candle to any little boy who was taller than me. My young mind used to make little conclusions that as long as a boy is taller than me, he is worth my crush.

And I'd make little fantasies of us living life as husband and wife.
The obligatory wedding fantasy.
What kind of children we will have.
The scene where he'd be with me at the delivery room during the birth of our first child.

Just because those boys were taller than me.

I'm so the cheap.:P

At age 11, I already knew how to be jealous. A girl called Sze Wern and Barry had this thing going on and I was always shit pissed. I would think of horrible things that I could do to her and look at her with as much anger as I could muster and tried to channel it to her via telephatic messages. Hehehe.

At that time, I have not graduated to farting in faces, shoving shoulders and evil catty comments as methods of revenge.

I suppose the types of BGR vary according to the individual's age.

Like for example, I don't remember any girls of 13 years of age and below screaming, "HE's SUCHHHHHH a bastard." when it comes to getting their hearts broken.

That phrase is used ALOT now with girls my age. ALOT.

And I don't remember talking about things like castrating and pulling out testicles when I was 12 years old and oh-so-in-love with hot seniors.

Girls get more vile with age.
Boys grow from insensitive to bastardious with age.

Young boys always say the stupidest things, "AIYER YOUR BREATH SO SMELLY..POOO..!"

But sometimes, boys are like Tamagotchi! Sometimes they can be really sweet with the right amount of nurturing from their doting mums. If only boys are really like Tamagotchi where we can press the reset buttons on some of them.

Girls? Demure, loud, fat, thin, young or old, we are all capable of making your life a living hell.

All the best to my young cousins! :) For my girl cousin: Hope that the guy will be more mature and start to be nicer to you.
For my guy cousin: I'm sure if you send her another rose like you did for the previous Valentine days, she'll be so touched!