Little Girl In A Reverie

Monday, April 11, 2005

No Brains

I fetched my mother, brother, cousin Hong Fei, Cousin Hong Weng, Aunty Jenny and Uncle Yew Hee all the way down to Malacca this morning for cheng beng prayers. Yes, expect another photoblog after this entry.

The drive down was alright, as I started out from USJ at 9am and reached Malacca at about 10.30am. I was pretty zoned out by the distance. We had to leave by 4pm as my cousin wanted to return home to watch football.

This is where hell began.

I drove out from Bukit Beruang Heights onto the main road that will lead you to the Ayer Keroh toll and hoped for a nice short ride to the toll before I start doing my 120km/h(yes, I think I'm so fly just because I am *above* the speed limit. Don't beat me up.) on the highway.

There's this stupid carnival going on at this big arena on the outskirts of Malacca. When we were driving into Bukit Beruang heights(in the morning), we thought that the crowd was here to visit the zoo. So my uncle was saying things like, "Yea, the government implies that today is see Zoo day." and he wasn't joking. So we believed him. We were thinking why on earth, after so many years, the crocodile farm is suddenly so popular again?

We passed by this arena filled with so many canopies and a Hotlink balloon and a TV3 Balloon. I don't know why but we deduced it was the Sure Heboh Karnival. But when I checked www.tv3.com.my, I didn't find anything about it. I googled Melaka events. Apparently on the 9th of April it is some Melaka Historical Day or something. Could be it.

It was the most annoying thing ever. Roads were blocked because everybody parked their cars on the side of the road and it didn't help that it was a main road stemming from the high way. Hordes of family crossed the roads uncertainly, resulting in us jam breaking and finally moving at 1km/h just so that we don't kill any Malaccans. However, I suspect they came from the kampungs from all over Malaysia. To quote my aunty, Kampung Mentality.

Families were in abundance. A mother would try to hold all five of her toddlers and cross the main road, two other boys would be bickering behind while crossing the road. A car would stop by the side and open it's doors AND YOU WILL HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE ASSHOLE TO CLOSE HIS DOOR BEFORE YOU CAN MOVE. Did I mention this was on a MAIN ROAD?~! #$*(&$&%$%*#*&$#*^&#%*($*%&*$^%!!!!!

I was so tired as I didn't get any sleep in Malacca when we left the house at 4pm. I was amazed that the traffic jam I was stuck in at 11am, was STILL ON at 4pm. Motherfuckingtrafficpolicedrinkingcoffeewithourbriberymoneyokfinemaybemalacca'sbriberymoney doing NO SHIT. I was closing my eyes everytime the car became stationary. A 5km drive out to the Ayer Keroh toll took me an hour. Yes. I was driving at 5km/h FOR ONE FUCKING HOUR.

Obviously you should not have such a 'popular' event that will DEFINITELY cause a massive jam on the main road LEADING into your state. Like hello? Don't they know about traffic planning?! This is the government's fault!!<--My paternal grandfather's favourite phrase.

I have photo evidence of the cause of my anger:

Look at the bloody jam. I'm talking about the left side of the picture. On the right side of the picture, you can see those illegal parkers/illegal fuckers/whatever.

Here. One hour. Heat. Me. Sleepy. Driving. White roses. Ok?

This was originally a single lane. OH! NOW IT'S TWO!! MAGIC!! *eyes open big big*
Look at the number plates. W on the Toyota and W ALSO on the Proton. Kuala Lumpur number plates. It's all starting to make sense now. The jam, the illegal parking, the bad driving skills..

See what I mean? THEY ARE THE CAUSE OF THE TRAFFIC JAM. THESE PEOPLE AND THEIR HESISTANT WAYS OF ROAD CROSSINGS.

Not good to show their faces lah, but I'm just showing how close they are to my car as I am moving.

Waaaahhh! Got Police!!!!! Amazing!

What.. the.. fuck.. ?
This road would have gone straight out to the Ayer Keroh toll but nOoOOOoooOoooO because of the stupid carnival, they BLOCKED the road. Though I have to give them credit for the somewhat vague directions of another route to the toll.

I had no idea where the fuck I was heading. My mother who grew up in Malacca was not much of a road map to me.

La..la..la..

My brother got so bored that he started to take photos of the scenery while we were sort of lost.

Hope you enjoyed viewing the less developed areas of Malacca.

But as all stories do, this one has a happy ending too! In the end, I found the highway.

Jayelle's back and neck ached at 1:49:41 am
(9) glitter balls rolling. |

Friday, April 08, 2005

My Chest Is For Storage

There will be no dignified way to blog this. But this is me, Jolene, and I cannot contain myself when I have something to share. *takes a deep breath and prepares for a life of spinsterhood*

An incident occured today just before our physics practical exam. It reminded me about how it all started. I had this ONE person to thank. Her name is Jasmine. She's one of the bubbliest girls back in school and I used to go over to her class for Moral and PJ lessons back in form3. Once there was a spot check and I was freaking out because I just bought my liquid paper(RM5 hurts ok) and I didn't want it to get confisticated so fast.

Her eyes lit up and she said, "Jo, is your bra wired?" I nodded my head, confused.

"Good, do this! Let me show you!" She proceeded to stick her own liquid paper into her bra, horizontally. I checked for seams. None. "Wow!" I was impressed!

"You try!" she encouraged. I gingerly took my liquid paper and positioned it in my bra and I was amazed! OH MY GOD IT HOLDS A LIQUID PAPER. MY BOOBS CAN HOLD A LIQUID PAPER AGAINST MY BRA! WHOOHOO! Jas and I clinked water bottles.(no champagne ma)

When the prefects came over, I proudly allowed them to check my bags and my nails and they did a body check, but they'll never give me a good patting there. It's just not ethical. From that day onwards, my liquid paper had a safe hiding place no prefects will ever discover.

I was hooked!! I could bring all the illegal things to school. Discman, laptop, cosmetics, magazines, handphones, cigarettes, dogs, chickens... and all I had to do was stick em in my bra! .. Nah, just kidding.

But soon I got promoted to handphone-holding ability. What an honour.

I only managed to make use of this skill when I was in form4, because that was when I got a handphone.(and so did the rest of the world).

Friday was always Bring-Your-Handphone-To-School day. It was common knowledge! Alas, too common until it reached the ears of the prefects(you know, that "select power hungry few". You won't find form5 prefects behaving like that).

One friday in form4, someone exclaimed, "Eh, after recess got spotcheck..."...Everybody started to panic because we did not see this coming. Our kind PJ teacher's pockets were already full with liquid papers and handphones. I'm serious. She was like bulging at the sides and pulling at her kurung. So I smiled indignantly to the people at my table and said, "Look! I can do this! Wahahaha!". Li Peng's, Chee Kiang's, Gaya's, Christopher's, Kwo Kuang's, Chun Shiong's, Khairil's, Wern Cheen's and Eu Foh's eyes widen into saucer plates when I stuck my handphone into my bra.

"Can see or not?" I urged my classmates. All taking advantage to have a 'closer look', ahem, said, "No no cannot..cannot..wah! so keng!"

Kwo Kuang, ever the ass, took Chee Kiang's handphone and dialled my number. I was leaning against the lab table and any vibration could be felt by the entire table.

At first, red, green, blue, yellow, purple lights were seen flashing through my baju kurung. Then the table started to buzz in short intervals. Everyone around the table laughed like mad. LOL. I swear that was one of the longest laughter we had back in 2002.

Today, I did a repeat! But it was in front of my female classmates, but they were still disgusted none the less. It was in the college garden and it was quite warm. I had forgotten about the no handphone rule for practical examinations and I suddenly remembered my old faithful hiding place. I placed it in and voila! It still holds! But somehow, after years of not using the technique, I felt pretty awkward sitting for an examination with a handphone pressing against my chest. When I removed it(note: it was a hot day), I had to dab away my perspire. I know, I know I am disgusting. It was a hot day, damnit! I don't think Chien, Jocelyn, Gan and Hwee Yin will want to friend me anymore already. You should have seen the disgusted look on their faces. Hohoho!

***
Right after I posted the entry, Esther messaged me on skype:

Esther: just updated yr blog ah?
Me     : ahhaha how u know!
Esther: cos u were on the recent updates list when i access into blogdrive. my chest
          is a storage? hrm.. it sounds like.. the 3310 u hid during spot check
Me     : LOL clever..!!! hahhaha pigi tengok
Esther: SERIOUS AH?? and den u ask chee kiang to look in and he really did and the
          teacher saw. HAHAHAHA
Me     : LOOK IN? when? tak ingat oo! must add that in!
Esther: yeaaah  after school
Me     : when was that ? how did that go again?
Esther: i remember was a friday =) u were so proud of it
Me     : lol tell me more
Esther : u went round telling everyone
Me      : what's wrong with me!
Esther : and then i remember that yr hp got alot of colourful lights wun and then u
           ask us to call you. and then when we called you there was lights coming out
           from yr bra there.. LOL.
Me     : HAHAHAHAHHA.. yes..yes..
Esther: and then the thing vibrated also if i'm not wrong
Me     : Sure lah vibrate! 3310 what! what about the chee kiang part? i cannot
           remember anything!!
Esther : then you told chee kiang. den he dint blif.
Me     : Oh! "dint blif"!
Esther : ahaha then you pull yr t shirt and showed him
Me     : *pengsan* what was I high on?
Esther : den he like looked in. hrrrm. i have no idea!
Me     : Hahahahaha.. nevermindlar! oh dear lord. Hahaha.. at least now he's got
           looking-in rights. i tak sit-tai. Hahaha. Shit. I should just up now!
Esther : HAHAhaha.
Me     : hey, nobody can be as bad as **g** ok. Showed us his black g-strings in
           form4! tsk tsk.
Esther : hehehe he show at the side there.  LOL
Me      : yeayea..damn sexy i remember. HAHAHAA.
Esther : i knoeee.. hahah cheeky little rascal
Me       : lol, u do know I'll put this up on my blog right?
Esther  : lol yeaaaahhh

Jayelle's back and neck ached at 3:37:58 pm
(26) glitter balls rolling. |

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Weirdo Rice Thrower

After lunch, mum and I went to the club to upgrade our membership cards/extend supplementary card status(mine)/report lost card(brother's).

Upon arriving at the pool area, we saw the scary masseuse raising her voice at the poor membership secretary lady. This scary masseuse once shouted at the pool guy about having a "lack of responsibility" and gave the poor dude a good telling off right in front of me! (I was signing in to use the pool). As soon as she left, the pool guy put his five fingers together, sort of like in a "chup" sign, and making a blablabla motion with it and he mimicked her, "Peh peh peh peh peh~!" LOL. I was laughing like mad.

The people at the club are familiar faces to me as I go swimming quite often. The main guy in that area seems to be this old gentleman that reminds me so much of Abdullah Badawi! Everytime I look at him I feel a sense of patriotism.

Badawi explained the card renewal procedures to us before the membership secretary lady(MSL) attended to us, when she returned from the ladies'. She looked like a typical housewife who would have a very loud voice but she was so soft spoken I could barely make out a word she said.

We told her that we would like to get the RM50/month supplementary card for me as I am over 18 but she shook her head and said, "Better don't lah...........pay as a guest cheaper you know? Mmmm?" and I was like, "What? But I want to use the card to order food etc. As a guest, I can't do that!"

Then she said, "Yes..yes..but think of it, is RM600 a year worth it? Mmmm?" My mum was starting to see things from MSL's view. Sensing dangerous grounds, I butt in, "But it's quite troublesome for me to use my mother's card all the time. Having my own card is much better."

She shook her head and said, "No no, it's okay, if you want to play racquet games with your mum, you can come for free. We don't charge guest rates.. Mmmmm? I think RM50 is too much. Mmmmm!" (I know, by then I was getting weirded out by the amounts of Mmmmms.) Now, why would I want to play racquet games with my mum when both of us never play 'racquet games'?

Badawi was standing behind her with a frown etched on his face. "MSL, What are you trying to say?! What are you doing lah?? The other party is willing to pay, let them pay lah!!"

I sensed a bitch fight coming on. I nudged my mum. MSL released a huffy sigh and went to answer a telephone ringing somewhere in the office. Badawi walked into his own office, silencing the atmosphere. Soon after, MSL came back out again and completed the rest of the procedures with us.

Suddenly, she peered closely at my mum and said, "Wow! You have so many teeth on your lower set!"

Both my mum and I didn't know whether to scold her or laugh. HAHAHA.(We decided to laugh).

MSL continued, "Very nice lah, hou leng hou leng(cantonese translation: very pretty!). Such a blessing to have so many teeth. Mmmmm."

My mother said, "Hahaha, where got, it's very crammed...".

"Nolah...such a blessing to have so many teeth.. very lucky. If one fall off, at least still got extra. So lucky to have all your natural teeth with you, Mmmmm." MSL sounded serious.

I was bursting with laughter on the inside. My poor mother, what a situation to be in.

My mother then diverted the attention to me, "My daughter had braces before! See, so straight!" (cue for me to give MSL a big grin). But MSL looked at me and with a disapproving look she said, "Nolah, natural still best. Mmmm." Wtf?

She asked me, "How many teeth did you have to pull out? Mmmm?" I proudly stuck out 6 fingers and said, "6!" ... did I seem spastic?

Then suddenly, she launched into an anti-dentist rant. "I TELL YOU AR, THESE DAYS AR, HAIYOH, THE DENTISTS..SIMPLY SIMPLY EXTRACT TEETH .... CHEAT PEOPLE'S MONEY. HAIYOYOYOYO.. Mmmmm!!"

Anyway, I think I gave her a heart attack. I explained to her that 2 were rotting milk teeth(I was 15, and I still had milk teeth. Both had died, and one was pink and the other was close to black. Ew, I know. Now my teeth are in great condition, thank you very much!) and the 4 others were the usual amount one has to remove to make space for the braces.

She then changed the topic and asked me, "So girl, where are you studying?" I replied, "Taylor's College!" She said, "oooooh..so what are you going to study after that?" I don't like discussing my education plans with people and the more I say it, the more hopes I have on myself, so it's not good. I answered her anyway, "Medical Bioscience perhaps."

"Why not dentistry?" her eyes gleamed over with glee. I frowned and said, "I have actually thought about it, but I don't know..results not good enough to get into dentistry and I don't think I want to have a backache by the time I am in my 40s."

We then said goodbye to the weird MSL and made our way back to the carpark. As soon as we were out the door, we started laughing uncontrollably.

Mum: I think she's a christian!
Me: Why leh?
Mum: Because she kept saying "Wahh..such a blessing to have so many teeth."
Me: Oh! HAHAHA..

Sorry, Christian friends, jangan terasa! But MSL was just weird. *shakes head*

By the way, rice thrower in cantonese means wasting business opportunities.

My weird people quota didn't end there. I was driving to Chien's place to drop her her physics practical manuals and at the traffic light, I closed my eyes and bit my thumbnail and started to bounce to the music on the radio. Realising that I'm not alone, I turned to my left and I saw this Indian man smiling at me and when he saw that I was looking, he started to mimic my bounce. I didn't dare look at him until the lights turned green.

Jayelle's back and neck ached at 7:19:58 pm
(7) glitter balls rolling. |

Hi, my name is Jolene and if there is a question in your head, this answer will definitely answer it: I was wrong and irrational. I was being a woman.

Jolene Lai, Jolene Lai,
Came to life in January and not July,
She is 19 years of age,
Can't wait to earn her own wage,
This dental student is home sick,
Will never be in Kedah for more than three weeks.

Subang Jaya is where she's from,
The only place she'll ever call home.
Has a boyfriend, a brother and a dog,
The things she says can give you a shock.

Especially for her father, who always gets a heart attack when he reads this blog.

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Why The National Service Entries Ended.

My favourite posts:
Please Don't Take My Orange Away (9/03/05)
Flasher On MSN! (28/4/05)
Looking Back From Where They Left Off (8/10/05)
A Bottle Of My Bestest Friends In The Whole Wide World!(13/2/06)
Diary Extracts For Him From The Yesteryears (23/3/06)

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