Tax My Ass, membastardkan! « Little Girl In A Reverie
 

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Saturday, May 15, 2004
Tax My Ass, membastardkan!

let's talk about yesterday:) It was very last minute and we managed to put our malaria poster together for our biology class presentation. During our 20 minutes break, Su-Hsien, Su-Chien, Barry and I were sitting at the cafeteria munching away at hotdogs(barry and I), trying not to puke with every gulp of much needed chocolate milk to increase calcium intake(chien) and not eating(hsien), we saw how poor Barry was hunched over my biology book trying to read up on Malaria as he was supposed to do the speech part of our presentation for us. Then suddenly CHien had this brain storm that we do a sketch...and the ideas in our head started forming when I put the back of my hand on my forehead and said, "Ooo, i feel faint" in a damsel-in-distress-in-dire-need-of-good-effing voice for the symptom: anemia. We went back to class in great excitement and managed to persuade the rest of our group to go along with it. We had 10 people in our group.

Hence, the play "Malaria".

Director: Su-Chien, Ang

Cast:
Lai, Jolene as Malaria Bitten Damsel aka Jolene(How did they think of SUCH a name?)
Ooi, Barry as pathogen, jaundice, (mainly) female anopheles mosquito
Ang Su-Chien as caring friend of Malaria Bitten Damsel
Panir, Jonathan as caring friend number 2 who knows a damn lot well about the bacterias of malaria, light co-ordinator
Cheu, Rudi as drama queen-ish local GP, Dr. Rud-ee.
Ching Siau Ying as nurse
Ooi Darvin as newscaster 1#
Ngeu, Michael as newscaster 2#
Lim Han Chung as mad scientist from Russia
Arvind as narrator
Scene One:
Narrator: It was a dark and stormy night and Jolene was studying her biology.
(Jolene sits down on a chair flipping a biology book as the lights in the classroom is flipped on and off and on and off to resemble a 'dark and stormy night' by Jonathan)
Narrator: She is studying her biology so that she can impress her biology teacher.
(Cue for Jolene to smile suggestively at mr. Steven Lim, her biology teacher who is sitting at the back of the class grading our presentation)
Narrator: Suddenly, there was a huge mosquito in the room.
Barry: Ber-ZzzzzzzZzzt...(proceeds towards Jolene with a red marker and makes a big red cross on her arm)
Jolene: AHHHH!! MOSQUITO!!! (takes this once-in-a-long-while opportunity to give Barry the mosquito a good whacking. Barry flattens against the whiteboard)

Scene 2:

Narrator: Jolene goes to bed thinking that it was nothing..she wakes up a week later(shouts from group: "TOMORROW LA, what One week?!!") Sorry, sorry, the next day..
(Jolene stands up and looks at the class blearily.)
Narrator: Suddenly......

Narrator: Symptom One!
(Jolene gives a dumb-jock face and rubs arms)
Jolene: Wei, cold la wei.
Narrator: Sequential Chills.

Narrator: Symptom 2!
(Jolene rubs temples with fingers and stares into the crowd in pain but tak jadi and ends up looking like she's trying to focus her magic and make something float)
Narrator: Headache!

Narrator: Symptom 3!
Jolene: Bleeuuuurrrggghhhhhhhhh...*hack*
Narrator: Nausea and vomitting!

Narrator: Symptom 4!
(Jolene gives another dumb jock face and beats at arms as if stricken with rheumatism)
Jolene: Oi, pain la wei..
Narrator: Muscle pain.

Narrator: Symptom 5!
(Jolene feels soo happy that she has the chance to put on her damsel-in-distress-in-dire-need-of-a-good-effing voice. Puts back of hand on forehead and tilts to a side.)
Jolene: Ooooh, I feel faint......
Narrator: Anemia!

Narrator: Symptom 6!
(Jolene turns her ass around as barry puts a piece of paper with the drawing of a RED in colour pile of shit on her ass)
Narrator: Bloody stool!

Narrator: Symptom 7!
(Barry strikes Jo's arm with a yellow highlighter)
Jolene: (whilst pointing at yellow highlighter mark) .. See? Yellow colour.
Narrator: Jaundice

Scene 3:

Narrator: Su-Chien and Jonathan comes to visit their sick friend, Jolene.

Su-Chien: I heard you're not feeling to well these few days, are you alright?

Jonathan: Becareful, coz I heard that these few days, the malaria disease has been going around.

(Jolene recalls all the symptoms that she has had to them)

Jonathan: Oh my god, it sounds as if you have MALARIA!!! (goes into long lecture of bacterias that causes malaria)

Su-Chien: I think I shall bring you to my local GP, Doctor Rud-ee.

Scene 4:

Narrator: The next day...

Su-Chien: Good morning doctor Rud-ee. This is my friend Jolene and she has been showing signs of a malaria stricken victim.

Dr. Rud-ee: Good morning.

Jolene: Good morning.

(Barry claps his hand (PAP!) to initiate a time-freeze moment. Jonathan switches all the lights off, leaving only a single fluorecent lamp on(at the back of the class) to create spotlight-on-centre-of-stage effect. Rudi walks to the centre of the 'stage'.)

Dr Rud-ee: (in a voice dripping with very very concentrated dramatic-ism..and stares far into the back of the class.) From the moment, she walked into the room, I knew she was SICK! .. (scrutinizes Jolene) From the colour of her hair(it's brown)... the color of her skin..(i'm proud to be fair ..but not proud of the bumpy bumps on my arms)..from the way she dressed (wtf?! I was wearing a mini-skirt..he didn't have to make it sound so obscene).. I KNEW SHE WAS SICK. (spat he)

(barry claps his hand (PAP!) to unfreeze time. Jonathan switches all the lights on again. Rudi reclaims his professional smile despite his damn-drama face a second ago).

Dr. Rud-ee: What seems to be the problem, Jolene?

(Jolene recalls all the symptoms that she has had)

Dr. Rud-ee: Malaria. it's Malaria. (proceeds to read all the types of treatment that was suitable for Jolene)

(Barry claps his hands again to initiate another freeze-time moment. Jonathan does that thing with the lights again. Rudi claims centre stage again and does that faraway stare into the crowd)

Dr Rud-ee: Well, the best test for her would be the ...Peripheral smear study for malarial parasites - The MP test! Why? (whispers to the crowd with a wink) Because I can make more money.

(Barry claps his hands again to unfreeze time. Jonathan switches lights on again.)

Dr Rud-ee: The nurse will take your blood and your results will be known in a while.

(Siau Ying comes up to Jolene with blood results and confirms that Jolene is a Malaria patient. Siau Ying reads out all the preventive measures that she should take.)

Scene 5:
(cast supposedly watches tv)

Newscaster 1#(Darvin) reads about the global distribution of Malaria followed by newscaster 2#(Michael) who talks about something similiar..can't exactly remember what.

Then Han Chung came up to present the scientific reasons behind malaria in a strong accent..that sounds Indianly Russian. Hmm. That's something new from him.

Narrator: And that concludes our presentation.

Anyway, we went to watch Troy today..and guess who ended up crying?!! KEVIN!! LOL.. so so so cute. And he likes Paris. Hmmm. Su-Hsien, does this change your image of Orlando Bloom? Him and his whimpy ways..? Barry and I didn't feel sad so much because we were making stupid jokes throughout the movie..ie.. "damn alot of kelefeh.. sure all RM5 each only..".."nola, maybe use computer cut,copy and paste la.".. "nola..tabur kacang on a brown table and tilt the table one side la"..."ooooh... why won't he bend down more so that i can see up his miniskirt? yum".. "look at the armour... looks like he has 3 boobs.." .."ooooh, nubbin". .."maybe the kelefehs are from lord Of the rings.. reuse".. "oooh, the poor kelefeh who doubles for Hector(when hector's body is dragged by achilles' charriot)..maybe HE is paid Rm10 instead of the standard rm5"...
And me being kind offered freezing Kay Hong my jacket and after the movie he threw it back at me..and the "thanks" only came a good two minutes later and he had the cheek to say "oh Jolene not cold wan la... got fats ya?" ..Grr.

Sophia and Carmen and their friends were at the other cinema ... originally we were all supposed to be together. Then Barry, Kay Hong and I left earlier because we were broke. No money for dinner. As were going out of Pyramid, Barry couldn't turn fast enough and the barricade closed before we could get out. Kay Hong walked out and had a chat with the intercom guy..and after many frustrating moments we managed to get another ticket FOC and went out of Pyramid abit faster this time.

Kay Hong wanted to go to Taylor's to collect his bag as he left it at the library and he was telling us how he had to walk all the way to Pyramid and we were like, "take taxi la!!".. and he's like, "Tax my ass la" (LOL LOL LOL)..."no taxi also at that time.."..you know la..in his normal TONE. After dropping him off, Barry fetched me home. And just for kicks he knocked my silver dustin down. We pointed at it and had a good laugh at it(imagine Terence and Phillip(South Park The Movie) having a laugh after one of them farts). Then I went down and put it back upright and walked into my house. haha, pointless fun.

Jayelle's back and neck ached at 1:38:39 am
  

jayelle
May 16, 2004   10:35 AM PDT
 
lol of course i do!!
but our brains didn't work fast enough to make u have blood squished out..
Baz
May 16, 2004   05:07 AM PDT
 
i'm sure you'd like to re-enact the mozzie squashing scene
jayelle
May 15, 2004   08:06 PM PDT
 
hahaha his movies are few and far between..but after everyone of them it leaves a nice taste in our mouth ya? :) lol.. he is the epitome of handsome.

lol, our sketch..hahaha.. damn funny and stupid.. can always act it out again for u.
Sush
May 15, 2004   07:12 PM PDT
 
hey Jo... i wished i could have seen the sketch! i didnt know it'll be damn looong....hehe...
hahaha......orlando bloom plays a wimp in there....! but did you get a look of brad pitt's butt?? oh mi gosh.....he's soooooooooooooooooo bloody hunky! i think i'm star struck once again........hehe *last time was after Meet Joe Black*
jayelle
May 15, 2004   12:43 PM PDT
 
hahahaha... yeah. i mean a sketch for presentation was a brilliant streak of idea:D

COOOOOOOOOOOL.. but i tot u said ur internet bill's like rm30 every month?! won't it not be worth it if u pay rm88/66? =) or maybe now you'll make sure it's worth it ya;D
mELdEeee
May 15, 2004   12:20 PM PDT
 
LOL LOL LOL!!
Effing hilarious!!

I have STrRRRrEeEeAMmYyXXxXxx Look at me gOoOoOoo dAmmMNnNn fAAAaaAaAasSsssttTtt
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Hi, my name is Jolene and if there is a question in your head, this answer will definitely answer it: I was wrong and irrational. I was being a woman.

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