Jolene Lai Lai Si « Little Girl In A Reverie
 

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Sunday, September 17, 2006


Jolene Lai Lai Si

I'll probably have no friends left after putting this entry up.

On wednesday, Brenda and I went to Tesco to have some good ol' KFC. Lovely chicken, they have always been.

We then went into Tesco because she wanted to get some stationary for the new academic year. I went off on my own to buy a new tv ariel, a couple of mathematical box sets(we need it for tooth carving next week!) and an adapter.

While browsing through the tv ariels, I felt this intense pain in my stomach.

I HATE it when this happens. It just comes suddenly and totally knots my tummy up. I had to go the bathroom immediately.

I found Brenda at the tissue department, dumped my things in her trolley and told her, "Wei, stomach ache. Cannot tahan..You wait for me here ok? Very fast one!"

Then she said, "Harh!? Why suddenly one???"

I told her, "Happens lah." and grabbed a 12-pack toilet roll (tesco value!) and ran off to the counter, leaving a laughing Brenda behind.

The tissue paper was RM2.99. The guy took his time to work his cash register. He punched a few buttons on the cash register, waited for the cash register to er..register, rang the cash register and picked out ONE CENT from the cash box and tore the receipt and handed it to me. I was in absolute pain.

So I walked briskly to the toilet which was like, 50metres away.

I felt a gurgle in my tummy and then a dull intensified pain.

Perhaps a fart would do me good. It always makes me feel better. Lessen the tension in the tummy.

Alright. So i farted.

.... somehow, the fart wouldn't stop.

Imagine my horror ok?

It was no longer a fart. It just went on and on and I had to stop myself!

I grabbed on to my ass, just in case anything falls out and covered my ass with the huge pack of toilet roll just so that the public can be saved from the gruesome sight that was my ...er colourised pants.

Somemore I was wearing that damn short stripey shorts that I wore in the pic in the post below. DAmnit!

So I continued walking LIKE THAT all the way to the toilet, not giving a shit(haha!) to how I must've looked - hands cupping the ass, toilet roll held behind.

I burst into the cubicles(and that was not the only thing that burst). Luckily for me I've got a plastic bag after buying that large packet of toilet roll.

Thank god it wasn't much as it was mostly water. And water gets absorbed.

Yes, thank you for being my friend. Have a good life.

I had to sms Brenda.


first message


second message


third message


Brenda's reply.


My next message.


her next reply. My savior!!


Hehehe.


I HAD to tell Lie Yuen what happened. It was too funny not to. This was meant to be read in the most monotonous tone one can ever muster. You know? Like deadpanning.


Hahahaha. How we laughed when we came home.

"So you throwed away your old panties and your shorts?" Brenda asked as we were leaving tesco.

"Er... it's too pretty to throw away. I can't possibly find another pair of stripey shorts. I hope you don't mind that I've put it in a plastic bag and hung it on the side of your car door.." I said sheepishly.

"O_o!! Cha tou!" was Brenda's reply.


And it didn't fly off as we were driving. I went home and washed it straight away and it's damn clean okay.

Now, do I still have friends left?! You know Jolene, always telling her stupid stories to make people happy, right right right?

Jayelle's back and neck ached at 12:50:16 pm
 

ohyeahmoreyeah
September 30, 2006   09:33 PM PDT
 
oiiiiiiii.........gila!! made limpeh laf like....gila!!!! oi!!! bwahahahahaha lol
Name
September 29, 2006   05:12 AM PDT
 
why didnt take a pic of ur shit!!!!
Jayelle
September 24, 2006   06:07 PM PDT
 
aud: HHAHAHAHAHA that's the idea laaa

sadomasochist: titi~! hehehehe yes, now i know i'm not alone.

bryan: vanila biscuits have different consistency from shiot lehh;P

c.ho: IMAGINE IF I WAS ALONE...

joyce: ahahhaa NICE stripey pants, can't do without it;D LOL LOL.. it was in Kedah!! not anywhere here in damansara..ahhahaa.. ohmigod, but imagine if I had to "stop for a chat" with you. die lah..damn die-ed.
JoyceTheFairy
September 23, 2006   08:23 PM PDT
 
Fuck man woman, i LOL when i saw the last pic of it tied to the car.

Somemore i just went to Tesco today. And ate KFC. Luckily it wasn't the same day you were there.... imagine if i saw you and went 'HI!' as you're running to the bathroom....
c.ho
September 22, 2006   11:54 AM PDT
 
damn kasihan you.. thank goodness you were there with your friend!!!O.o... man.. can't imagine if that ever happened to me -.-"
Bryan
September 21, 2006   06:44 AM PDT
 
I laugh so hard tears are rolling down my cheeks and my tummy hurts!

I was actually halfway enjoying my vanilla biscuits when i click on your blog. After reading the post, I no longer felt like eating anymore. Thank god its vanilla and not chocolate.
sadomasochist
September 20, 2006   09:34 PM PDT
 
OMFG HAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHA i just got up from the floor..cant contain my laughter la..omg omg..lol dun worry..i sshfart(shit +fart) at times too.. the last time was when i was using the computer..and thank god the nice chair didnt get stained -_-" ..lol good post jie!!!
aud
September 20, 2006   06:00 PM PDT
 
HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAH!

don't worry, we'll give anyone who doesnt wanna be friends with you shit. wtf.
Jayelle
September 20, 2006   02:00 AM PDT
 
yeewei: ahhaha wah lau wei u want me to kembang to the sky issit?:P

sam: lol!!! good to hear! i shall strive to make u laugh more by chronicle-ing my miserable life

name: "Tuan, ini bukan dadah. Ini ialah tahi. Tak percaya? .. cubalah.."

the snark: YOU HAVE IT WORST THAN. how do you explain to the dry cleaning shop??;D

giant sotong: issit now??

jen: ahhahaha a blogging trend! the "i dare to blog about my diarrhoea-ing in public experience" blog trend!;P

sher: BY SHITTING I'M ADORABLE?? SHER LYN!!! hahahhaa

dr.tan: OH EWWWWW!!!!

aunty ooi: HAHAHAH ohmigod hello AUNTY OOI!! Jon's mum!! lol! I've never had a friend's mother commented on my blog before. I feel so honoured.:D Jon said you called home and told him about it.LOL LOL funny lah you all:D

YL: LOL how can you love an entry about shitting.... weirdo!!;P :P thanks for the love ya..hahaha

julie: hehehe thank u!!!!!! *kembang*..


..-_-. I just realised. Why am i thanking people after writing an entry about my shitty experience?
julie
September 20, 2006   01:42 AM PDT
 
bravo jolene!!!!
you are good! :D
YL
September 20, 2006   12:17 AM PDT
 
Hmm... By the time I decide to comment, I finished laughing already. I damn love this entry. =)
Aunty Ooi
September 19, 2006   07:38 PM PDT
 
Hi Jolene

Your Laisi episode is really hilarious!! I burst out laughing in the office. You are so original!
Wonder what you'll do without handphone..
Dr. Tan
September 19, 2006   02:44 AM PDT
 
I'm coprophilic. Don't worry. Heh
sher
September 19, 2006   02:31 AM PDT
 
you're so adorable. haha! -_-
Jen
September 18, 2006   11:56 PM PDT
 
omigosh i cant believe it happened to u!!hahahahhahahhhahaha!!! *dies laughing, but in a good way*

i'm yet to experience such an event. err..here's hoping i dont have to.

now everyone will be blogging about their shitty experiences, coz u started it!!
Giant Sotong
September 18, 2006   02:14 PM PDT
 
*sweat* . . .

*sweat sweat sweat*

...2006 looks like the year of Gastrointestinal Complaints.
The Snark
September 18, 2006   11:47 AM PDT
 
OK, I'm sorry, but that was just too funny. But I've had it happen to me before as well, so I do sympathise.

At least you were wearing stripey shorts. I was in a business suit.
Name
September 18, 2006   02:26 AM PDT
 
omg. Luckily there were no traffic police stopping your car on your way home. Can imagine, Polis: "Apa yang ada di dalam plastik beg ini? Buka bagi aku tengok!" o.O
* s a m *
September 18, 2006   02:07 AM PDT
 
Lol... why wouldn't I be readin??? Your posts make me laugh at 3am non-stop when I am taking a break from Commercial Banking lecture slides. Hehe...
Yee Wei
September 18, 2006   12:51 AM PDT
 
OMG, I love you Jolene Lai! You are my hero, my favourite blogger!

And other complimentary phrases to that effect...
Jayelle
September 18, 2006   12:20 AM PDT
 
miracle: AND there I was thinking that i was the only person in the world doing it.:P YEAH thank GOD i was in tesco!

jason: what what, very sat lai u now meh?;P

slinky: hahahaha... yay, so kind of u.

tze: me lor....

g_mas: WAHAHHAHA see, you're happy, what, right?

brenda: LOL LOL LOL thanks for helping meyeahhh! lol lol lol sure cannot forget.. cham lor if the juniors read this. i'll be known as that senior who laisi-ed in tesco

sewjin/name: yeaaaaaa.. but abit more mushy

sam: HAHAAhA.. eh ur still reading! :P hi sam!!! i know i know..i get amused at my own stupidity too

yuen: hahaha sure lah, or not i throw my panties at u!

karmun: HHAHAH good to know;P i am damn brave rite?

luzzio: aiyoh better take care of mum! ;(
luzzio
September 17, 2006   10:33 PM PDT
 
something happened at home.
chip of the old block
karmun
September 17, 2006   10:33 PM PDT
 
omg joleneee... i was laughing NONSTOP at ur entry!! took some courage putting that up.. must haf been horribly enbarassing. i wouldnt have the courage to even go out from the toilet after that. at least it wasnt worse. u could've been alone. HAHAHAHA! imagine that.
yuen
September 17, 2006   09:39 PM PDT
 
i wil still be ur housemate geh...
* s a m *
September 17, 2006   09:12 PM PDT
 
You never fail to amuse me =)
* s a m *
September 17, 2006   09:12 PM PDT
 
You never fail to amuse me =)
Name
September 17, 2006   07:18 PM PDT
 
*staring at my cup of chocolate pudding* -sigh-
Bren
September 17, 2006   07:08 PM PDT
 
omg...i cant stop laughing when i read your entry..LOL...really one of the most highlighting moments of our 2nd year! i don't think i shall ever forget it! lol

don't worry we'll still love u!
g_mas
September 17, 2006   06:08 PM PDT
 
AAAAAAAAAAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHA jolene jolene. ever the wacko-ness. i still love u don't worry! ahahahahaa
tze
September 17, 2006   06:07 PM PDT
 
got people like that wan ah!
Slinky
September 17, 2006   04:53 PM PDT
 
OMGGGGGGGG !!!! Jolene... you'll always be my friend... Dont worry... OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jason
September 17, 2006   04:41 PM PDT
 
*sweat*
Miracle
September 17, 2006   02:23 PM PDT
 
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!! Don't worry darling, it happens to everyone of us. You're the only one who posts it on your blog, that's all. :) It's a gross story, but a hilarious story nonetheless.. *hugs* Hope you felt much better after that. And at least you could buy your own toilet roll. heeheehee!
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Hi, my name is Jolene and if there is a question in your head, this answer will definitely answer it: I was wrong and irrational. I was being a woman.


Jolene Lai, Jolene Lai,
Came to life in January and not July,
She is 19 years of age,
Can't wait to earn her own wage,
This dental student is home sick,
Will never be in Kedah for more than three weeks.

Subang Jaya is where she's from,
The only place she'll ever call home.
Has a boyfriend, a brother and a dog,
The things she says can give you a shock.

Especially for her father, who always gets a heart attack when he reads this blog.

Hey, rhymes!
 

Why The National Service Entries Ended.

My favourite posts:
Please Don't Take My Orange Away (9/03/05)
Flasher On MSN! (28/4/05)
Looking Back From Where They Left Off (8/10/05)
A Bottle Of My Bestest Friends In The Whole Wide World!(13/2/06)
Diary Extracts For Him From The Yesteryears (23/3/06)



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